Howdy Hydrocephalus

Understanding my unique gyroscope



I don’t know why I snap.  Apparantly it is all I am really good at today.  I feel bad when I do.  I feel that I am failing as a parent.  So I am feeling pressure in my head and it hurts.  I mean my head always hurts, but you get used to it.  I guess I shouldn’t have lifted the sink and stuff myself, as it increased the pressure.  I know people offered to help but being a stubborn ass I, of course, declined any help.

The kids are hungry.  I told them I will get a loaf of bread from the freezer and will make them sandwiches once it thaws out.  A minute later – “I am hungry”.  I say “Soon, the loaf a bread is thawing out”.  This goes on and on every thirty seconds until I snap. I yell “Why can’t you listen.  I said the loaf of bread is thawing out…Jesus!”  Now my son has his head coverd and is cowering.  I immediately appologize.

So I am now hiding out upstairs away from them because they are annoying the shit out of me today and I can’t handle their screaming, yelling and behaviour in general.  I am sure they can’t handle mine either.  I think my kids are going to be messed up.


5 thoughts on “Snap

  1. Kelly, you are not alone in feeling that way. We all have bad days that question how good a parent we are, I would like to meet a parent without feelings of guilt, or one who has never “snapped” at their kids when you get to that point of frustration. Try not to be to hard on yourself. You are in the middle of reno’s (totally stressful) as well your head hurts A LOT! and whining kids don’t help. One step at a time. : )

  2. Hang in there Kelly. Do what you have to so you can get through one day at a time. I’ve been there and it sucks big time. My kids used to tip toe into my room and quietly say “are you okay today mommy?”. It broke my heart. But now I am better and the quality time is great. You are an awesome Mom!

  3. Oh hun, I know this is months ago, but I had to send hugs because it happens sometimes. I realized that I was having some issues with post partum depression after Darian was born, because I was freaking out on my oldest child (who was 5) about stupid things like spilling some milk on the floor. I remember I dropped to my knees and was crawling across the floor WAILING about the stupid milk. A tiny part of my brain said ‘um excuse me, YO, LADY, it’s fricken milk, get a hold of yourself’. That little voice caused me to stop and think ‘hmm this is not normal, something is wrong’. I went to the doc and he asked me a few questions and tada – diagnosis made. 5 months on medication and I went off it, much better. But I still feel bad about those few months 10 years ago and remind myself that while it was a dark time, something was wrong that I had no hope of controlling so I had to give myself a break about it xxxx

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