I am fortunate to be a part of a group brain injury wellness program. I am glad there is finally one in the community but I am a little saddened that it is only seven weeks long. It is weird that there is such a short time limit on it when brain injury recovery is such a turtle of a beast and recovery moves slowly.
There was a lecture on personality changes after brain injury. I think my overall personality is much the same, but there are some noticeable things that did change. I do still reflect, but no longer focus on who the old me is. I am still however trying to get used to the new me. The upside is that I get to start over and really I am only three years into the new me so it really hasn’t been to long for me to adapt. However, it is all not rainbows and happy parties, nor is it a pity party either. It is just plain weird and that’s it. It is uncharted territory as I don’t know if this is how I will be forever, or will neuroplasitiy take over and re-route neural activity over time.
Somethings that I miss about the old me are:
The energy I had,
always on the go & doing something,
going out and enjoying it,
my quick wit and sense of humour,
being easy going,
love to have fun,
and playing with my kids.
The new me tends to:
Get frustrated easy,
embarassed and humiliated (less now, but I did forget how to tie my shoes, now more so if I fall),
go from patient to snapping if done too much and are overwhelmed,
stares off when can’t keep up with conversation or distracted,
don’t show much enthusiasm,
will not think things through & impulse control,
lack a sense of humour – don’t get jokes or sarcasm,
slower uptake on significance of conversation,
awareness of limitations,
seem serious because I am concentrating so hard,
feel that everything I do is for rehab purposes and forget what fun is,
and have a hard time playing with my kids.
Today, I watched the Lego Movie for what seemed like the first time. Although I know that the kids have seen it so many times that I have lost count. I don’t know if I zoned, missed legitimately, or slept through all the other times, but this time I thought the movie was funny. After the boys wanted to play Lego. I didn’t really want to but did. We build a couple things and then the boys got involved in another movie.
I continue to try to re-learn coping skills, acceptance and re-adjustment. I only hope that we as a family is muddling our way through it in a decent way.