Howdy Hydrocephalus

Understanding my unique gyroscope

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Sweet Success

IMG_7669Okay after I got out of the hospital in September, Chris and I started to look for a new house to live in. We finally found one and were able to spend two months packing. Last week we moved to our new house and love it. Chris and I had loan of a trailer and did a couple of loads so we could spend our first night in the house. The next day the movers came and after that it was a blur. Oh and at the same time I also rented studio space at the Hive Artist Hub.

I really tried to make an effort to pace myself. I would only do a little unpacking a day – except the first day (too much). I have been napping 1.5 hours a day and going to bed early 8:30pm but not falling asleep until after 10pm. I really tried to remember to eat and drink – especially after the first night. We don’t have the swim spa at moment – it is drained, and winterized until spring when we can get a new cement pad put in, so I have been trying to put in steps per day which includes walking the dogs. I know that 10,000 steps is too much for me so I go what I can. I have also been doing meditation and trying to be mindful of what I am feeling. I am trying to be aware. I didn’t go to brain injury relearning sessions. I missed all my alarms as half the time I had no idea where my phone was. Finally all action caught up to me today.

Wyatt this morning was complaining that he didn’t like the new house in the mornings because it was all too rushed. I apologized and said “I don’t have a morning routine here yet and I am so very tired this morning”. I woke up and could barely function and I had to deal with Donovan who was sick to his stomach as well. Brain fog, word finding, thinking straight, perception and vision, making sense, decision making and sleeping all day.  I hit the wall.

It may sound bad that I hit the wall – I knew it was coming, but just didn’t know when. When I talked to Chris he really was surprised I lasted as long as I did. He thought I would have been toast long ago. So in fact, this whole crazy busy week has turned into a wonderful success. My energy, strength, endurance and brain function lasted longer than it has in 2.5 years. I know I am getting better and better. I am still inconsistent in a lot of things, but I am seeing improvement.

It will take us months to organize the house, but we will slowly work on it. It has been the best move as there are so many boys for my boys to play with. I am truly grateful we too the giant leap to move. The next important thing is to get the studio space functional. I am at a loss of how to move forward (brain overload) and Chris will come help me tomorrow.

Next step is to get a new morning routine down pat again. That will ease the stress level for not only me, but for the boys as well.


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Order amongst the chaos

I am not a New Years resolution type person. I am a person that is trying everyday to be a better person to myself, family, friends and community.

Pre-injury I was not a person who liked “routine”. I liked change, the unknown and diversity. I saw “routine” as a word for same old…same old nothing new type of life. I didn’t recognize how much of a “routine” I did have until recently. What type of routines did I have? The unconscious type for daily activities such as my 30 step morning routine that I had to relearn. The unconscious actions of thinking in logical steps. The ease of reading maps, driving, just knowing what to do and doing it. The unconscious reading and understanding what is printed on the page.

I miss having those unconscious routines. My life is currently chaos. Energy wasted on not making a decision. For example, I know I have stuff to do but where or how to start. It seems all so overwhelming. I can’t even think of all the different types of unconscious routines that un-brain injured people do but there are lots.

I use my smart phone calendar to document and keep appointments. I am getting better at knowing where my phone is, that my phone ringer is on, and remembering my phone.

I just have trouble re-learning those unconscious routines. When driving I have to consciously think keep your eyes on the road…keep eyes on the road…keep in the lane. That is a lot of thinking and energy just for something so small as driving. Figuring out logical steps in getting dinner ready & done all at the same time is still a work in progress.

I am getting a person to come into the house to help me create a daily routine. I need to re-establish strategies. I will start out great with strategies and then forget what the strategies were and I will end up chaos again & again. Maybe I will actually be able to meal plan rather than sit there with my mind void of any recipes. So I then go to those amazing websites with thousands and thousand recipes and I spend time searching and searching and searching unable to make up my mind. So meal planning that should take 20 minutes including grocery list can take me hours or even the entire week and I only get three dinners put on the list. This is not a very time or energy effective way to live. It is a very frustrating

I need to get new routines & strategies past my short term memory and into the unconscious memory & muscle memory stages so I can re-direct my energy into other areas of my recovery. I am aiming for a kick butt recovery year so I can move forward into the work force again.

I am focussing on organization, creativity, meditation & being in the moment (mindfulness).