Howdy Hydrocephalus

Understanding my unique gyroscope

Order amongst the chaos

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I am not a New Years resolution type person. I am a person that is trying everyday to be a better person to myself, family, friends and community.

Pre-injury I was not a person who liked “routine”. I liked change, the unknown and diversity. I saw “routine” as a word for same old…same old nothing new type of life. I didn’t recognize how much of a “routine” I did have until recently. What type of routines did I have? The unconscious type for daily activities such as my 30 step morning routine that I had to relearn. The unconscious actions of thinking in logical steps. The ease of reading maps, driving, just knowing what to do and doing it. The unconscious reading and understanding what is printed on the page.

I miss having those unconscious routines. My life is currently chaos. Energy wasted on not making a decision. For example, I know I have stuff to do but where or how to start. It seems all so overwhelming. I can’t even think of all the different types of unconscious routines that un-brain injured people do but there are lots.

I use my smart phone calendar to document and keep appointments. I am getting better at knowing where my phone is, that my phone ringer is on, and remembering my phone.

I just have trouble re-learning those unconscious routines. When driving I have to consciously think keep your eyes on the road…keep eyes on the road…keep in the lane. That is a lot of thinking and energy just for something so small as driving. Figuring out logical steps in getting dinner ready & done all at the same time is still a work in progress.

I am getting a person to come into the house to help me create a daily routine. I need to re-establish strategies. I will start out great with strategies and then forget what the strategies were and I will end up chaos again & again. Maybe I will actually be able to meal plan rather than sit there with my mind void of any recipes. So I then go to those amazing websites with thousands and thousand recipes and I spend time searching and searching and searching unable to make up my mind. So meal planning that should take 20 minutes including grocery list can take me hours or even the entire week and I only get three dinners put on the list. This is not a very time or energy effective way to live. It is a very frustrating

I need to get new routines & strategies past my short term memory and into the unconscious memory & muscle memory stages so I can re-direct my energy into other areas of my recovery. I am aiming for a kick butt recovery year so I can move forward into the work force again.

I am focussing on organization, creativity, meditation & being in the moment (mindfulness).

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