Last week I went and saw my neurosurgeon. I had a scan done in January of my brain. He confirmed that the ETV hole has good CSF flow and everything looked awesome. He then gave me an MMSE or mini-mental state exam.
He has administered the test three times to me. The first time I scored 24, second 6 months later 25 and 26 just last week. Basically this test is usually used to figure out cognitive impairment overtime with patients with dementia. The test does not incorporate your education level so that has to be adjusted when scoring. My neurosurgeon indicated that prior to surgery I showed signs of mild cognitive impairment…no shit Sherlock. I forgot how to read a map, where the hospital was located, how to do my job…that was scary! It was so frightening to see things slip away, but by the time my surgery, I so impaired that I showed no rational fear about surgery or risks. Since surgery I have thankfully shown progress and now considered not to have cognitive impairment in his eyes or so he lets on!
The test was easier for me on some parts and challenging on others. The second time I took this test, I had trouble counting back by sevens from 100 that the doc asked if I was trying and I got all teary-eyed. This time I did better and I was impressed with myself. I also 3 out of 5 objects without prompt at end of test. With prompt, I am got one more item. I had trouble when drawing my clock. I couldn’t remember which way the hands went. I was supposed to do 1610 but think if came out like 1320 instead. I even admitted that I couldn’t remember where the hands where to go.
The funny thing is that people often say that my neurogenic stutter is gone. True the brain is healing and the speech therapist tips, tricks and strategies have helped me considerably but the darn stutter reared it’s ugly head showed up again during the counting backwards part of the test. I think the stutter shows itself, not because I am nervous, or anxious but when my brain is working hard trying to get those connections firing again. I have had so many tests like the MMSE and more intense neuro psych testing, there is no reason to be nervous. I get amazed where I have improved now rather than mouthing hanging wide open…wondering what happened to me.
I admit that I have made large strides and that it is somewhat surreal for me still when I have more than one good day in a row. It is now up to two or three good days in a row (with proper resting and time management) and then I have a bad day and go “oh yeah…this shit again” This TBI/ABI recovery is like a clinger….just won’t let go no matter how hard you try to flick it.
This journey amazes and frustrates me every day. I am so grateful to advocate on behalf of myself more. I understand, interact and communicate more easily. The world that I live in is no longer like being continually drunk or on a spinning amusement park ride. I have the attention span to watch most of a movie or tv show. My memory has improved I have also learned strategies to help with organization, planning and memory. I still need to use those techniques on a daily to basis because if I let them slide, I will become anxious, freeze and not get anything done because I can’t figure out priorities or tasks to do on the fly. I become obsessed over ideas,things and projects and forget about all the other things that I need to do in my routine. I will forget the most basic things but will remember the oddest most inconsequential shit. Chris always shakes his head at me like I am a savant…then we laugh. These are just executive functions of the brain. They will also get better with time too! That’s it time…that seems to go painfully slow with my recovery but yet so fast with other parts of my life.